Darkness - A Poem

 I am darkness. Darkness is me.

Everyday, I tell myself, ‘Words revolve around me. They don’t break me down.’

Everyday, I laugh and smile. I let people see what they want.

Even when their words cut me deep.

Even when they throw words at me I feel like they’re tattooed on my skin.

Even when I’m dying and they don’t take a hint.

 

I fight smiles for smiles. I smile to save me.

I’m fighting me for me.

Because this is my life.

A whole lie, and I don’t know any other way to play it differently.

I know it’s unhealthy, but I can’t help it.

To keep my feelings all bottled up inside.

Gatekeeping my own feelings; emotions.

Oh, I am dying inside. I am burning myself alive.

My mind is chaos.

And it feels like my chest is about to explode.

Like the world is frozen in time.

Like everything is gone.

Like I can’t breathe.

 

Every day, I play this game.

My emotions - forever beguiling.

“It’s just a matter of time,” I tell myself.

And yet, I can’t seem to tell the world the truth.

What really is behind those smiles.

Those laughs.

 

People think I have no grief, because of what I show them.

I show them my face. I show them what I want them to see.

It’s not like you look at my face and then suddenly, you know eveything about me.

No.

It’s not like that.

It’s not my face.

It’s not my smiles.

It’s my heart.

Because I am darkness, and darkness is me.

Writer's note: I might publish a book of poems on Wattpad, might. And as I said, if you sign up and watch my blog daily, you get limited early access to pre-stories.

*THIS IS NOT A PRE-STORY*

*ALL WORDS WRITTEN BY J.K JAEL*

*COPYRIGHTED*